How I'm doing so far...

3 days...

God! Just let me survive for another 3 MORE DAYS!!! (...Unless we are told to do an extra class on Saturday, then let me survive till then...)

This has been a very slow week... 2 days feel like 2 weeks...

I know I'm not at my best this week... I can feel my emotions draining away...

This week... I can just feel myself...Just trying to survive...And I do feel bad for my kids... I love them all... But... I'm not being a good teacher for them at the moment...

I guess... this is one of those times where you feel lonely, depressed... but I wouldn't really say I've burned-out just yet... There are still ideas I've thought about and want to try in class... I'm just doing them half-heartedly... UGH! I feel terrible!

Thinking about it now, I haven't really done a lot of self-reflections ever since I began to teach... I kept suppressing my fearful thoughts and feelings... and I think they are struggling to re-surface now... God! I just hope I won't break down and cry...because I fear I might do just that... (I nearly did as I walked to class this morning...)

Usually, when I realize I'm about to head into this kind of situation, I'd make time for myself to sort my thoughts and feelings out... this time, I think I let myself get there... and now, I find it harder just to think about what I feel. I can hear my thoughts screaming in my head all at once...Shutting them up is one thing, getting to "listen" to them one at a time is another...

Ah... I wish I can just be vulnerable for once and go to someone to cry my eyes out and then get back on my feet again...

I'm like chipsmore... Nah! You can't eat me! XP

Hi all!
(Caution: what I wrote here has NOTHING TO DO with the title above!)

Yeah, I know it has been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG while since I've updated my blog... (Main excuse: Writer's block or I was just being plain LAZY again!)

ANYway... Just to share with all of you of what I've been doing... (well, some of it la...)

1. Went to KL for a business talk...

Managed to meet up with Iman Lee too!
(Miss u, hun!)

2. Sometime later, went for Kem Belia @ Putrajaya...

Some of the stalls during the event... (Byk kedai kain!!! O.O)

One of the buildings in Putrajaya. (Nice, eh?)

3. Had our KISSM...

Well...I didn't manage to take any picts during da course... (because it was SO BORING...) But if I were to explain how we were doing...

Approx. 1 hour (or less) during the talk...

Approx. 2-3 hours during the talk...
LUNCH BREAK!!!

When we need to continue...

At the end of the talk...
(P/s: We begin at 8 a.m. - 4.00 pm for 3 weeks!!!)

4. Went to Simpang Mengayau with Gya, Kiko, Wawan and Jackie...

Yes, all! I've finally reached the tip of Borneo! XDXDXD

The view was simply breathtaking...

One of the"must do" activities we did... - PHOTOSHOOT!!! XDXDXD

Hmm... So, looking back, banyak juga aktiviti yang sy ikut rupanya! XDXDXD (The only setback is... I'd lost trsck of the days or dates...=_=;)

Tinipi...=)

Me and Tinipi ♥

First Day to remember...

After a long wait... I finally got her! One of my life goals has been achieved! Mixture of emotions churned in me as I continued to stare at her... Her name was Nina-vau ("Light" in Kadazan)... but later changed to Tinipi ("Dream" in Kadazan)... (Explanation to this is written at the last paragraph.)

The best part was... she belongs to me...

My very own beautiful car... My baby... A basic auto VIVA with solid white coating... She really looked elegant... and I can't wait to drive to IPG the next day! =)

Next day - 01/04/2010

Went happily to IPG, singing to familiar songs played by Light and Easy... only to discover class was cancelled... (No, this wasn't an April fool joke!) So I decided to continue with my AE with my comrades at the library... All went well until I thought it was a good time for me to get going home since I had something to do later that afternoon...

Nearly home... then at a sharp curve... a lorry came speeding down the narrow, kampung road and heading my way! With only the thought of trying to avoid that mentang-mentang-lori-besar-ko-makan-jalan-lagi I moved my car slightly forward towards a ditch... and just as I thought "Please don't go in the ditch..." Tinipi's left front wheel fell in... (STUPID LORRY!!! THANK GOD I DIDN'T CATCH YOUR PLAT NUMBER!!!)

Surprisingly, I didn't panic or cry or wail... All I did was said "Crap" softly, tried to reverse but Tinipi won't budge, then called my mom since home was actually few kilometers away.

Many vehicles passed my way, first few simply slowed down, stare at me and my car and drove off... Then, coincidentally some juniors heading back to IPG from school (sem 7 = practicum) stopped and tried to lend me a hand. More people came after that... with the intention of helping me and Tinipi... My mom, Rico and Aunty Mel (who dropped by our house) shortly came to the rescue too...

Looking at the crowd... I was touched and felt very grateful that there are still many whom are kind and helpful...

Minutes later, everyone agreed it was best to carry Tinipi by hand in order to cause least amount of damage to the rim... So, all the men got into position (some even went into the ditch, which was still filled with water in order to assist the carrying of the car!) and on the count of three, lifted her up and placed her gently on the road again...

Everyone applauded for a job well done and all I can do was thank them from the bottom of my heart... And the beauty of this situation was, other than the juniors, the other people whom stopped to help were all strangers... But of course, I thanked the juniors too!

The moral of the story? - Now I'll slow down at the curve and make sure there are no other vehicles coming from the opposite direction before I move. If there are, I won't budge until that vehicle move pass me first.

Besides that, we (as in my mom and Rico... My job's to approve the name, if I like it! LOL) came up with a new name for my little baby... since according to the Kadazan's culture, if something bad happens after one is given a name (i.e. like when a baby is born, and he/she continuously fell ill, its best to change his/her name) because the name may not be suitable... hence the name "Tinipi". =)

Do you believe I'm sick?

I hate being sick...
Not just because of how the pesky little virus make me feel...
Its also because of how some think that I'm NOT sick...

Look, I'm aware that I RARELY get sick...
(And I'm grateful for having a strong immune system....)
But there's that word "RARELY" there; which means I CAN still get SICK!!!

WHEN I SAY I'M SICK, I'M SICK!
WHAT'S WITH THE; "Really? I'm not convinced" REACTION???
JUST BECAUSE MY FACE DON'T SHOW IT, DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT IN PAIN!!!
WHY WOULD I JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS???
DO I HAVE TO BE ON MY DEATHBED BEFORE YOU CAN BELIEVE ME???

YOU'RE MEAN... VERY MEAN...
You have no idea how I cried that day...
Yeah, people! I ADMIT IT!!! I'M JUST AS HUMAN AS YOU!!!
YOU'RE MEAN, YOU'RE MEAN, YOU'RE MEAN!!!
I'LL NEVER MENTION THAT I'M SICK TO YOU EVER AGAIN!!!
DON'T WORRY! I'LL GET MYSELF TO THE CLINIC SOMEHOW!!!

...I won't bother you anymore...

Silence is thy friend...

Had this experience recently... again...

It had been and still is a busy month for me and my family...
And this means, of course I was involved as well...

I can hear the voices of responsibility screaming silently in my head;

Catering, baking, handicraft-making, AE, catering, baking, handicraft-making, AE, catering, baking, handicraft-making, AE, catering, baking, handicraft-making, AE, catering, baking, handicraft-making, AE....

It kept repeating and repeating itself up to the extend I wanted to throw up...
I felt angry, stressed, cranky, caged, hurt... everything negative swallowed me whole...

Then, one night, I couldn't sleep... honestly, I didn't want to... because I knew what awaits me in the morning...
Sitting up on my bed, I leaned against the wall-engulfed in silence...

The voice never seemed tired...

I couldn't take it anymore...

SHUT THE F*** UP!!!

Then... silence...

I opened my eyes and stared into the darkness cloaking my room.
The voice was gone...

I closed my eyes again and listened to the soundless night... I embraced the feeling I opened to... It was comforting... I felt free...

No stress... No pressure... Nothing...

I could feel tears trickling down my cheeks...I didn't want to let this feeling go...

I felt grateful to feel like this again... and pray it won't leave me until I'm ready to move forward once more...

My "Reflectia"

Well... I've learnt a lot during the practicum... and the "lessons" continues on... but just to share with you, I've listed some here... Perhaps they might give some insight... or probably just give you a good laugh... ^_^

Situation 1 : On my first day of teaching, I did a bit of ice breaking where the students introduced themselves to me... After the last student introduced himself...

Me: Okay, thank you for introducing yourselves! Since there so are many of you, please give me some time to memorize your names and...-

(Okay, that was my first MISTAKE!!!)

Student A: Teacher! Teacher! What's my name???
Me: (Caught off guard) H-Huh???
Student B: Me? Teacher? What's my name???
Student C: How 'bout me, teacher???

Before I knew it, the whole class was asking me if knew their names!!! Eeep!!! O.O;;;

Moral of the story? Don't EVER mention "please give me some time to memorize your names"!!!

Situation 2: Okay, if you're supposed to relieve a class, no exercises left by the teacher, the kids are "free"... What would you do?

As for me: Let them do their own work! Just set the rules;
1. NO leaving class WITHOUT permission
2. CONTOL their "noise volume"
3. Mau "wrestling/gusti tangan"? - I'm cool with that BUT if you TOPPLE the tables AND chairs... You're done!
4. NO disturbing/harassing/bullying friends are allowed either! >:(

Situation 3 (In one of my classes):

(I was searching for a whiteboard marker when a student from the back called me)
Me: Yes?
Student A: Teacher... (In a soft, whining voice)

(I thought he was not well...So, concerned, I asked);

Me: What's wrong?
Student A: I miss you, teacher...
Me: ...Huh??? (The word slipped out of my lips...)

(I could hear few stifled giggles as I allow a smile remained glued to my face...)

Student A: You don't miss me ka teacher???
(His friends were giggling again... I pretend not to hear him as I continued to write on the board.)
Student B: Ala.... Cikgu ndak kesian dia ka cikgu??? Tinguk! Mo nangis suda dia!!!
Student A: Ya, cikgu... Ndak kesian saya ka???
(More stiffled laughter...)

In my mind, I could hear myself say; "Dei... mmg masi budak lg dorg ni... ^_^;

Situation 4:
We had about 5 minutes left before the bell rings so I chatted with my students in class... just to encourage them to speak in English... I was correcting a student's pronunciation and...

Student A: Nah, see??? That's why la you! "Padetic"!!!(he was trying to say "Pathetic" to his friend whom I just corrected)
Me: (Slightly annoyed) "Pa-" what? Do you even know what that means?
Student A: (Confidently) I know, teacher!
Me: Okay, what does it means?
Student A: Err... heheh... No, teacher... I don't know....
Student B: Ahahaha! Budu! XD
Student A: Diamla ko! Ko la budu!
Me: (Chuckle) You don't even know what it means, and you still want to say that it? ...Where did you get that word?
Student A: From TV, teacher!
Student B: Yeah, teacher! We learn a lot from the TV, teacher!
Me: Yeah, I bet mostly from those action movies, huh?
Both: (Excitedly) Yes, teacher! The TV's teaching us bad things...- That's why la... We like this...

(They kept cutting each other's sentences)

Me: Uhuh... So, you DO know some of it are not good influences, right?
Both: YES TEACHER!!! :D
Me: Then... why'd you copy them?

(Few seconds of silence)

Student B: It's him teacher! (Points at friend) He's the bad influence!
Student A: Eh, mana ada! Ko la tu bad influence! You "padetic", you!!!
Me: ^_^;;;

Situation 4:
Wednesday - Hari Ko-Kum... (So kena pki baju Pandu Puteri la...)

(I was walking towards my class when...)

A student from the class I was heading to: WAAAAHHH!!! (Singing manner) Dia memakai baju serba biru~!!!
Another student: (Continued singing) Dia nampak cantik berseri~ dalam baju biru~!!!
Me: -_-;;

(Looks like I can be spotted from a mile away...)

Situation 5:
I gave group work to my students and I was checking each groups' progress as they continue along...

Me: (Stopped at Group 3) So how're you getting on?
Group 3: Good, teacher! :D
Me: Okay... can I see? (Checked their mind map) Hmm, okay! Keep it up! ^_^
Student A: Uissh! That's because I'm here ba that, teacher! I did all this, teacher!!!
Group members: Yala tu! Eleh!!!
Student A: Btul ba!!! (Looks at me) See, teacher? I did it all ba, teacher!!! Dorg ni duduk ja, teacher!!!
Me: No, I saw your friends doing the work too! So you can't say things like that...
Group members: Nah, kan! Padan muka! Teacher nampak ba!!!
Me: (Chuckle) Okay, okay! Continue with your work! All of you are doing great!
Student A: Okay, teacher! No problem ba tu! I'll do anything for you... (looking straight at me in a somewhat innocent way)
Me: (Dlm hati: O-kay???) Ahahaha...... ^_^;;;

(I was about to turn and check on the other groups when...)

Student A: Teacher! teacher!
Me: (Slightly alarmed) Huh? What's wrong?
Student A: Teacher ada peluh, teacher! (Pointing at my forehead)

(Yeah... their classroom was humid... @.@; But I didn't realize I was sweating like crazy til then!)

Student A: Sini, teacher! Let me help!!! (Taking out a handkerchief)
Me: (Dlm hati: Uh-oh!) Haha! Thanks ___. I think I'll do that myself... Thanks for telling me though! ^_^;;; (Scurries off to another group)

Well... so far, that's a few that I recalled... for now... I'll add on again soon... ^_^